sins

dosa aku kepada allah lagi besar daripada dosa aku kepada kau. 

i should forget this shit and be happy.  i should stay away from people. i should!

Melaka

(29June2013, 4:30pm)

have a safe journey to and fro. please take good care of nenek. see you on Wednesday.
xoxo

ninja.

(29June2013, 5:54pm)

Ninja: "Truffles..."
Ninja: "You okay? You senyap... Buat hans risau :("


the moment you text me this, i feel like crying. i miss you. i miss sylvia. i miss both of you. no im not okay ninja. i want to hug you. i want to hug sylvia. i don't know whether to reply you or just ignore. i have to fight this feeling of becoming close to you. M said, i have to avoid you so that i will not hurt myself any further. but the more i avoid you, the more i hurt myself. i tak sanggup kecewa kan orang. i tak sanggup ignore orang. i tak sanggup abandon orang. why am i feeling like this ninja? kenapa susah sangat untuk i nak cari kebahagiaan? kenapa orang selalu kecewakan i? kenapa mereka cari i when they are sad and left me when they are happy? do i deserve this ninja? how to fight this? how to be numb? how to become mean? howww? :"(

stay away.

i'm thankful for having the best people around me. thanks M & Atikah Ali for the advices. you know its damn difficult for me to be stiff and strong and as hard as a rock. my heart ain't the same as yours. i cried easily. its just so difficult to say no. its just so difficult to stay away from people. its just so hard to make myself happy. the moment i distance myself from people, they start to pop up. they start to appear in my life. M, you know its so difficult. i tak boleh. im trying, yes dear im trying real hard. 


 "Wow. Smart already. When we stopped talking, you two start talking. Yay, claps for you. Make sure you found the right one." - SYWX (25June2013)



just because i replied and send ninja a picture, you start to get angry again and post this. dia cuma kawan i vi. kita semua kawan.  haisssss. fine vi fine. i will stay away from ninja just for your sake. like what M said, i really have to stay away from both parties and just mind my own business.

the beginning

it all started on 20 May 2013. the day that i see changes in you. the day that you surprised me the most. the day that finally come and thank god he finally showed me your true color. i seriously don't know what i did vi. it was just a question. who wouldn't be curious when you suddenly showed up beside ninja after you said that you would give her all the space she wants. after you said, you dont want to bump into her nor see her around cause you dont know how to face her. what is that vi? you lied. it was just a simple question to you and you got angry about it? are you jealous that i skype with her? it was our first time skyping for goodness sake. come on vi. im not in love with ninja. yes i like her, but as a friend. mummy said that you marah marah dengan i cause you;re jealous that i suddenly became closer to ninja. to tell you the truth, i'm there to help her out. she met me on the day before (19 May 2013) to talk about you. to know you better. to find more information about you. i'm helping you out down here and there you are being angry wimme for no apparent reason. apa salah i vi? apa?! ninja love you very much. from the conversation we had, i can sense that she still love you and dont want to be apart from you, but your behavior, your manja-ness, your perangai of love-to-assume so much that make her irritated. she even cried in front of me when i back you up. when i give the advices i could so that you two can continue this relationship. yeahh, perhaps i deserve this treatment cause you tak suruh i masuk campur. but then, why are you coming up to me even time ninja treat you badly. every time you have a problem with ninja. why do you find me? you tahu im stuck. i'm the middle person. i'm not siding anyone. i, as a friend of both party, of course do the best i could to give advices and cheer you both up. ini tidak, end up you mengamuk and here we are not talking to each other till now. thanks vi thanks. it just hurt me so much that i literally cried every single night and kept thinking what is my mistakes. nevertheless, i will still pray to god to protect you from any danger. you disappoint me vi. you hurt me vi.

Time out.

Deactivate Facebook, on hiatus from twitter and tumblr. and soon, instagram. I just need the time to be away from social network. i need the time to let this poor brain and eyes from further damage. i need those time to think of what is more important in my life and what i should do.



"Kita dilahirkan seorang diri, kita mati pun seorang diri"